


There's Only One Way

by curlyfriesandfrosties



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Death death experience, F/M, Near Death Experiences, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlyfriesandfrosties/pseuds/curlyfriesandfrosties
Summary: She’s gone. Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond, whichever you call her, she’s gone. Even in situations where Steven gets separated from his gem, she does not reappear. She does not live in his gem. In fact, she isn’t living at all. So, there’s only one way that she’d ever reappear …
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 14
Kudos: 110
Collections: Steven Universe Completed Recommended Reads





	There's Only One Way

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-Steven Universe Future. Based on "Love Like You" - the end credits song!

For his 17th birthday, Steven got to take Connie on a date. A proper date: not a quick meal at the pizza parlor, not a bite from the Big Donut, and not a movie that gets interrupted by murderous gems intent on destroying either him or the world or both (that’s happened twice now).

They decide to go see a play. It’s an hour-and-a-half drive from Beach City to the nearest town that has a proper theatre – because Jaimie’s improv group does not count. They get dressed up nice (no swords), he picks her up in a car (not on lion), and they have a wonderfully alien-free dinner at this fancy Thai place that Connie _loves_.

The show is really cool. The actors are dressed up in old-timey costumes that Pearl would probably pick apart, and they speak in poetry-like verse that would make Amethyst laugh. The show is a comedy – it is actually funny – and, because they chose it for a date, it’s a love story.

Basically, these four guys decide that girls are overrated and they’re never going to get married – even the Prince. But it changes almost immediately when this diplomatic group of noble ladies arrives and the guys start acting like fools, falling over themselves to impress these girls. Both he and Connie were laughing to the point of crying. At one point, Steven laughs so hard that his soda comes out of his nose. And then Connie laughs at him.

The ending comes out of nowhere: the princesses’ dad dies, and she has to go home, deciding not to marry the prince.

It hits Steven pretty hard in the gut. So much so that he’s actually crying a little when they leave the theatre. But it was still a wonderfully human night.

He and Connie have a nice talk in the car. He’s supposed to keep both hands on the wheel, of course, but he holds her hand for a bit while they talk about … well, dead parents. Before they even leave the city, he’s all cried out. And the anger that comes when he thinks about his mom has passed too. Connie can do that for him – make him feel better no matter what.

They talk the rest of the way about good things: Connie is really excited about some of the technical effects and talks for a good thirty minutes.

“But the projections! That kind of technology is so advanced for a regional theatre. And to see it on stage. I mean, wow!”

“Connie, we have actual holograms. You’ve seen them.”

“Well, yes, but it’s different when its gem stuff.”

Then, she explains some of the language that he didn’t quite get. For an ancient, white author, that guy managed to hide a ton of jokes. It was downright dirty at parts.

When they cross the state line (thirty minutes out from Beach City) they’re both laughing about the bit where the prince and his friends dress up and pretend to be from some made up place called Russia. Connie’s mimicking the accents and using her hair as a mustache when they come off the interstate and hit the highway roads.

They’re still laughing when Steven stops at the light. It turns green. He presses on the gas. He’s looking ahead and laughing when he feels the impact.

In the split-second following, he has only the time to process two thoughts. First: this was not a gem attack. No spaceships, no glowing weapons. The only thing he saw was a pair of lights – headlights. Second: thank goodness Connie is sitting in the passenger seat, and he, the super-human gem hybrid, takes the full brunt of the impact.

Then there’s pain.

Pain. Real pain.

Human pain.

And it doesn’t stop.

Before two seconds can pass, the world cuts to black.

* * *

It's white. Next, it's white. The whole world is white and fuzzy and both nothing and something. Like being in his mom’s room, its an endless void of creation. But not in pink. In white. And that’s unusual enough that he turns in a circle. His mind is empty - bright and carefree - but he can’t help the wonder.

This state is different than any of his other disassociations or weird gem projections. It’s not the space between minds – that was black. It’s not the space created by his gem or mind – that was always pink.

Also, in this state, he might be naked. He’s not sure. In fact, he’s not even sure what naked means. And maybe the weird mist or clouds – the unformed matter of this place that surrounds and cushions him – maybe that covers him. It doesn’t matter.

He wanders for what is perhaps a long time. Eventually he begins to register sound. Not in his ears – if he really has ears anymore – but he _feels_ the sound. Voices in whispers or shouts, meaning that there must be other forms in this nothingness.

The other things are not nothing, but they are not lifeforms. And they are not hostile. They are neither hostile nor welcoming or even opinionated. Like him, they must not really care.

The next thing Steven registers is music – specifically song. Its gentle and sweet. It’s so warm that he feels non-existent tears fall across his cheeks.

This voice feels like love. It cares so intensely that he follows up. He cares about it.

Solid shapes form out of the fog. These seem like people. People, gems, animals, and plants. A whole world is forming slowly before his eyes from the raw material of the universe.

He crosses a bend that didn’t previously exist and the most familiar face he could find in this place is revealed. That’s where the music was coming from.

She looks at him as she sings, and he registers the lyrics – or maybe its not lyrics. Maybe that’s just how gems speak in this place.

_If I could begin to be_

_Half of what you think of me,_

_I could do about anything,_

_I could even learn how to love._

Maybe it’s a stage, they place they’re in, because it seems like a performance. Like she’s trying to get a message across space and time. And this message is so important that she’s been singing it for an eternity.

He approaches and she sings more intensely. She’s not necessarily singing for him, not this part, but he feels it through his form.

_When I see the way you act,_

_Wondering when I'm coming back,_

_I could do about anything._

_I could even learn how to love_

_Like you._

_Love like you._

He reaches her, and, although they do and do not have form, they embrace. It’s the warmest feeling – the best thing he’s ever felt.

When he touches her, he feels those emotions she was transmitting even more strongly. He feels the undertones: guilt, apologies, love, pride, joy, and a certain bittersweet sadness.

He’s more solid now – more real – and so is she. She extends her arms, pushing him away to look at his face and he can see her face.

Now, because he has cheeks and eyes and she has the same, he can see the tears glistening. He can feel his own tears. She continues to sing as she examines every inch of his face.

_I always thought I might be bad,_

_Now I'm sure that it's true, 'cause_

_I think you're so good,_

_And I'm nothing like you._

She spins him around and around, like it’s a fusion dance. But there is no fusion here. They’re already connected.

_Look at you go!_

_I just adore you._

_I wish that_

_I knew_

_What makes you think I'm so special._

They slow again and she tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear. Caresses his face.

_If I could begin to do_

_Something that does right by you,_

_I would do about anything._

_I would even learn how to love._

_When I see the way, you look,_

_Shaken by how long it took,_

_I could do about anything._

_I could even learn how to love like you._

_Love like you …_

She trails off. Pulls him in for an embrace.

_I love you._

That statement holds the most power. It feels like pure joy. It’s wonderful.

He opens his mouth to reply, but he is startled to find that he is fading. He no longer _has_ a mouth or a body and he’s slowly, slowly, becoming formless again. He’s being pulled from this place like a vapor dissipates in the hot sun.

He begins to panic as she loses her grip on him - as he begins to lose the feeling of both her and her song and her love.

She shushes him. He can’t see her anymore.

“Stay calm. You can’t stay here,” she says or sings. Or maybe he just feels it. There are no words anymore.

Then, he feels something that might be a kiss. It’s a warm brand on his forehead and it fills him with light - light that slowly begins to weigh him down. Light is heavier than the matter in this place.

With the kiss comes final words and feeling: “I love you Steven. Tell them, too.”

And, suddenly, the world is black again.

* * *

Pain. It’s bright in this new place. And there is so much pain.

He isn’t sure where he is, at first. This is another void and yet it is strikingly familiar – it’s pink.

Here, he’s definitely clothed. He feels his form. And, because he feels his form, he feels the pain.

And he realizes that this is the unconscious state that comes with poofing. Or sleeping. Astral projecting, Connie once called it.

He pulls up his shirt and sees the source of his pain – a long jagged crack along the face of his gem.

And though it burns – burns, burns, burns – he forces himself back to consciousness.

* * *

A hospital room. Of course, it’s a hospital room. He’s hurt. Though, he is surprised that he’s not at the center in Little Homeworld. After all, his gem is the part that needs healing.

Then he realizes that, this time, it isn’t true – all of him needs healing. He’s covered in bruises. His neck hurts. His head hurts. There’s a bandage wrapped around his skull. His toes are all tingly and hot. And his arm is _definitely_ broken.

He hasn’t been hurt like this since Spinel.

There’s an x-ray on the little display nearby. The weirdness of it startles him enough to snap him out of his reverie – does his gem really just … poke into his stomach like that???

Steven scans the room and sees that his dad is sleeping in the corner. It might be Pearl yelling shrilly in the hallway. And it’s _definitely_ Doctor Maheswaran yelling back.

He moves his good arm to his stomach and feels his gem. Cracked. Badly cracked. Perhaps that’s why he hasn’t healed yet.

The door bursts open and a haggard Pearl and Doctor Maheswaran storm into the room. The door slamming startles his dad in the corner. Wakes him up.

Steven gets a quick glance to the hall, where he sees Amethyst nervously tossing a yo-yo. Garnet sits with her head in her hands. Before he can think to wonder why, Pearl is ambushing him.

“Steven! You’re awake! Why are you still hurt? You’re gem! There was nothing we could do and - I tried to tell _her-_ ” her is flung like an insult at Doctor Maheswaran, who glowers “- I tried to tell her that none of this … _apparatus_ is going to do anything while your gem is cracked. I thought perhaps we could contact the diamonds but –“

Doctor Maheswaran cuts her off, “And I tried to tell _her_ that, because your gem is cracked, we need to take care of you the human way until you can take care of yourself. And, even then, you still needed that transfusion and fluids and I have treated you before – after all, I’m pioneering the field of gem -“

“Woah, woah. He’s awake now. Let him say.” His dad stands and moves to him. He says, far more gently than Pearl, “Hey, bud, how are you feeling?”

Opening his mouth is an effort. Steven’s tongue feels like it’s been fried. “Lousy. Real lousy, dad.” He thinks a moment and that’s difficult because his brain has definitely been microwaved. “I think … I need to spit on it. Can you …?”

Pearl looks smug – not that this erases the look of panic painted on her face. Doctor Maheswaran looks even more tired. His dad helps him peel the hospital gown from his shoulders, revealing purple marks all along his left side.

His dad grimaces. Doctor Maheswaran explains, “You broke two ribs.”

Pearl tries to pretend that this doesn’t affect her. Any non-gem would have given it away by going white. She doesn’t go white, but he can still tell.

It hurts to move, but they finally get his top half free. Doctor Maheswaran hands him a small paper cup filled with water and he drinks.

Thinking of no more elegant way to do it, Steven licks his good hand and places it over his gem.

There’s a warm, bright glow followed by a sigh of relief.

Not from him. He’s still in pain. In fact, he can feel his arm straightening, his ribs moving, and his skin knitting back together at an achingly slow pace.

But Pearl looks relieved. Garnet looks up in the hall. He realizes that he’s white knuckling the bars of the bed when she comes in and offers her hand.

He squeezes and pants through his teeth as his arm finishes resetting itself. When its done, there’s still some pain as the bone grows back together. But he can talk.

“Hey, Garnet.”

“Steven,” she removes her glasses. Her eyes are full of tears and pain. She thinks, then says breathily, clearly disturbed, “I couldn’t _see_ you.”

She couldn’t see his future. Any future.

“I think its because I might have been dead.” It’s supposed to come off as a joke, but Pearl looks nauseated. She sits down hard on the seat his dad had been occupying.

Amethyst comes in from the hall and manages to lighten the mood, “Dude, what the hell happened?”

“Amethyst, _language_ ,” Pearl says from the corner. But there’s not much conviction in it.

“It’s clear what’s happened,” says Garnet. “He got in a car wreck. The other driver, being quite intoxicated and occupied by thoughts of his night full of inappropriate endeavors, ran the red light and collided with Steven’s car at a diagonal.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “Yeah, we know that. But why is he still hurt?”

“Cracked my gem. I think it prevented my powers from healing me.”

Amethyst winces sympathetically. After all, she’s the only one of them who has cracked her gem before.

There is ponderous silence then. Steven’s thoughts start to drift off. He is thinking about the place - the place from his dream (if it was a dream) – when another thought pours cold water down his spine.

“Connie!? Is Connie - ?”

Doctor Maheswaran steps up. “She’s fine. She was spared from most of the impact by the angle of the crash and …” she trails off, thinking. “She says that she thinks you bubbled her. Just for a second before you lost consciousness. But that would have spared her from most of the trauma.”

Steven relaxes. And the action of moving his spine and ribs lights a new fire in his chest.

“I think,” continues Doctor Maheswaran with an air of confusion and distaste, “I think that your … the magical properties of your saliva should be able to help her injuries: whiplash and some bruising. That’s why she’s not here. Neck brace and bed rest. Actually, she put up quite a –“

Amethyst interrupts – “Yeah, man. One smooch and she’ll be all good.”

Doctor Maheswaran purses her lips. Steven tries his best to look bashful. Then she just sighs. “I’ll tell her you’re awake. And, when you feel up to it, you can walk over to her room to help her.”

Then she leaves. It’s quiet again.

His dad starts brushing Steven’s hair with his hands. It’s caked with blood and sticky under the bandage. He doesn’t need the bandage anymore – the skin has finished healing over – but he’s still got a wicked headache.

Finally, after minutes, Amethyst speaks, “You really scared us there, little man.”

Garnet looks grim and nods. Pearl turns aside.

“I’ll be fine. Really.”

“You will, bud,” his dad says, gently.

Garnet looks doubtful. Pearl bursts out, “But Steven! You – your gem powers! You’re supposed to be safe from these things. I mean I thought – driving how dangerous can it be? And your gem is a diamond how does that even –“

“Pearl,” Garnet says.

“What?!” She seems panicked. Every muscle in her face reads of tension, even with the perfectly smooth gem skin.

“Steven has something to tell us.”

And he realizes he does. It all comes rushing back – the thing that seemed like a dream that definitely _wasn’t_ a dream. The tears start to fall before he even begins to speak. It finally hits him - what he saw.

“I- ” His voice is an indiscernible croak. Looking around, he sees that tears are already falling under Garnet’s glasses. He swallows. “I think I … I met mom.”

Pearl puts her hands over her mouth, tears forming. Amethyst looks shocked. His dad looks like he’s taken a blow. After a deep breath, Pearl lowers her hands and says quietly, “Steven, that’s impossible. There’s no way … It’s like after someone has been shattered.”

“No. I mean, yes. It is like that. But it was her. It was her.” His tears fall.

He gives them her message. They all cry together. With Doctor Maheswaran’s permission, he walks to Connie’s room, trailing the weird IV stand. She’s actually asleep, so he gives her a little kiss on the forehead before going back to his room to shower. Then, he climbs into bed.

He starts to fade away into sleep, and, although it’s certainly the most ridiculous thing he’s ever thought, he’s glad for the experience that has just transpired.

There was only one way he’d get to see her. This was the only way to get the closure he’d longed for – for ages. Best of all, he knows that he’ll see her again.

Lately, he’d been thinking of his mother as the villain in his story. Either she is too powerful, unreachable and an unfair comparison, or straight up bad. The negativity weighed him down – had done so for years – but there was nothing for him to do. Before, he couldn’t even answer the easiest question of all: did his mother love him? Or was she using him, like she had used everyone else? Now, he knew the answer.

It seemed to him that, in that place of nowhere and everywhere, Rose had finally learned how to love.

**Author's Note:**

> Trying a new fandom! Be gentle, I haven't written for these characters before.   
> Also, I don't hate Rose/Pink. I think the relationship is complex. I have yet to watch Steven Universe Future but I'm interested to see how they analyze Steven's relationship with his mother.


End file.
